Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
