those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
