We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
