I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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