she looked like the before picture.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
