Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
