My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I want is dick and wine.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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