I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
