So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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