Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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