Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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