fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How external is "for external use only"?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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