They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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