Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
