If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
