question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
