have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
