no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
