Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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