My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
