Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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