Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
