My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
