Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
