I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Alive.
So much puke
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
