I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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