Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
