Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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