Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
