i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
