you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
