wanna go halves on a baby?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
