we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
