Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
