erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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