just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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