just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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