You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
