Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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