one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
