I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
