I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I puked a lego.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
