I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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