the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
