No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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