I feel like abortions should bother me more
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
