I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
