Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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