My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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