my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
