now i know why i became what i already was.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
