I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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