wake up i wanna do it froggy style
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is my gift to your gina
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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