Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
